Very Unlikely Roommates

I have three obnoxious roommates that share my space, eat my food, but refuse to help me pay rent.

One, we will call him Larry, resides strictly in the kitchen. He eats any and all crumbs of food that might have been dropped and hides in the most inconvenient places.

Larry is a cockroach, and a big one too.

He comes out every night to inspect the happenings of the kitchen and leaves every morning to give me my space. I respect him and he respects me. It's a very unique and ugly relationship. I know that if I enter the kitchen anytime after 8, I can expect to see Larry creeping around on the floor by the refridge. He stops whenever I enter the room and looks at me with a look that I can only describe as inconvenienced. It's as if we share custody of the kitchen and I am infringing on his time. I can honestly say that I have not had any desire to kill Larry, but know that even if I did, I would have no idea where to start. You see Larry is territorial, and not a bit afraid of me. There has been two occasions in which I have entered the kitchen in a sleepy haze and have not been aware of Larry's where abouts and he has actually walked over my foot. I have no doubt in my mind, should I choose to try and end his life, that he would put up quite a fight.
(P.S. He's about as long as my index finger.) And so I choose to pick my battles and he is not it.

The second, we will call Harry, lives in the hallway and is quite a bit more spasodic than Larry. He is an ant, and the biggest ant I have ever seen. I mean you can actually see this guy move in the dark. He does not enjoy my company in the least bit and scurries up the wall everytime I walk by. Unlike Larry however, Harry seems to be all bark and no bite, and doesn't get into any of my things, so I let him rule the hallway as he so chooses and try not to disrespect him in front of his ant friends by scaring him too often.

The third, and by far the most annoying roommate, we will call Big Mama. She resides in the bathroom, and although I have left the door open on many many occasions, refuses to leave. It's as if she is challenging me. Short of killing her, there is nothing I can do.
She is a spider, and not just any spider, I'm talking Charlotte's fat cousin spider. This thing could barely fit in my palm (if for some reason I ever decided it would be a good idea to put a possibly poisonous tropical spider in my palm, she would not fit). She also only comes out after dinner time and can be found in three very specific places (not that you have to look too hard to find her).
On the clothes hamper, on the wall by the garbage can, and my least favorite, on the toilet bowl.
She also seems to be harmless in that she has yet to attack me, however any attempts of mine to stomp my foot to get her to leave have been completely fruitless. She has called my bluff, seen that I am too soft to harm her, and taken complete advantage of my weakness.
I have gotten used to her presence at this point, and can honestly say that the only time I'm really nervous about entering the bathroom is when I can't see her. The possibility of her resting on my brush as I reach into the drawer without looking to grab it frightens me far more than knowing she is sitting by the garbage (in which case I would walk my garbage out to the kitchen, in truth I would rather see Larry than Big Mama, but just barely). I realize that my bathroom experience is completely dictated by an animal that is about 1/100 my size, and I have gotten very good at brushing my teeth while keeping one eye on her furry fat little behind just in case she decides to make a move.

My friend offered to "remove" her a few days ago, and I was immediately disgusted with the thought of her being killed due to my comfort level. What about her family? What if she really is Charlotte's fat cousin?
The thing about it is you never really know their story, and whose to say that she wasn't there first? Maybe she watches me just as careful thinking the very same things that I am.

I am moving into a new and improved apartment the 1st of June, and although I will not think twice about leaving my "friends" behind, I can honestly say that Larry, Harry, and Big Mama have been more tolerable than some of my roommates in the past.